Recently, I rushed into a clothing store to buy a pair of jeans. A salesperson asked if she could help. “I want a pair of jeans – 32-28,” I said in haste.
“Do you want slim fit, easy fit, relaxed fit, baggy, or extra baggy?” she ventured. “Do you want stone-washed, acid-washed, button-fly or regular-fly, faded or regular?”
I stopped. I didn’t have a hint, not the remotest idea of what she had asked, so I said, “I just want regular jeans. You know – the kind that used to be the only kind.”
She pointed in the right direction. The trouble was, with all those options distributed in front of me, I wasn’t sure what I wanted. So, I tried on pair after pair of jeans for almost two hours – trying to decide. It wasn’t a big decision and little depended on my choice, but I was convinced that one pair had to be just right for me.
The jeans I chose were fine, but this simple transaction provoked a strong reaction in me. Buying a new pair of pants shouldn’t render someone a wreck! Purchasing jeans was once an easy choice; now it’s become a complex decision.
Choices in modern life have increased tremendously. A typical store in 1900 had only a few dozen categories with one or two options per category. Modern supermarkets have 50,000 to 60,000 items in thousands of categories. Looking for hair-care products? There are more than 350 types of shampoo and conditioners. Need a painkiller? There are almost 100 options. Toothpaste, anyone? You have 40+ types to choose from!
It’s true that enforced restrictions with very limited or no choices make life dull, and having options does increase our sense of liberation and control. However, my jeans purchase highlights a different problem. As options increase out of control, people often begin to feel their life is falling apart. They are overloaded, overwhelmed and feel their life growing vacant, without meaning.
We all rely on common sense to guide us, and the implication is that increasing choice should always increase happiness. Surprisingly, the opposite is true. Scientists verify that an overabundance of choice tends to bring a subtraction in well-being and happiness.
The measure of happiness in many countries has been going downhill. Of course, no one believes that a single factor explains this, but accumulating evidence from psychological research indicates that the explosion of choices and tremendous increases in material possessions play a primary role.
Increasing expectations seem to be part of the problem. The penetrating message of modern times seems to be: “The more we control our own fate, the more we expect to control it. The more we have, the more we want to have!” We expect to be able to have a life that is fulfilling, exciting, and prosperous! We transfer our high expectations to our property, our residences, and our families – expecting them to be outstanding and beautiful.
Some people believe they should never have to settle for material possessions that are just “good enough”. Their trademark is that they expect and accept only the best. Researchers call this group “maximizers”. Their thoughts are dominated by an ever-increasing desire for more and a focus on the highest quality. Studies show that maximizers are less optimistic and more depressed about their lives than others who are willing to settle for slightly less.
I have a friend who makes going out to dinner a nightmare. He struggles to select a dish, going in a circular motion between one option and another, trying to find the best option. Some students behave the same way when looking for jobs, as they worry excessively about which job option to choose lest they overlook the “perfect” job!
We are told we’re in the “driver’s seat”, when it comes to organizing and planning our lives. If we fail, it’s our own fault and we can only accuse ourselves. However, it is unhealthy to combine overwhelming expectations and options, plus a tendency to blame ourselves for failures.
The success of 21st-century life turns out to be a bitter-sweet controversy and paradox. People have what they say they want. They’re floating in a vast ocean of choices and material goods but finding they’re still unfulfilled. Enough is never enough.
Let’s pause and angle a bright light from the past into our modern times. Over 2,000 years ago, the famous Chinese philosopher Laozi prescribed, “Be content with whatsoever you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” And he added this precaution: “He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.”
Use your college years to stir your heart and renew your life. Withstand the pressure of too many choices to acquire more than you need. Specify what truly matters to you and what does not. Learn when enough is enough, and you will trace a path of contentment throughout your life.