On my way to a coffee shop where I like to sit and read the daily newspaper, I caught a glimpse of the first message of the day from my 10-year-old son Tommy. He said good morning and told me that he was going to a friend’s birthday party after school. I do not get to see Tommy all the time, given that he is at his dad’s home on weekdays. Fortunately, Tommy and I have installed a social media app on our cell phones. This ensures we stay connected.
I like this instant communication with Tommy because I can check what he’s doing and evaluate how he’s feeling. People who do not care about social media may claim, “I don’t care what anybody ate for breakfast this morning. That’s boring!” Their indifference contrasts with my own interest in my son. I would love to listen to his detailed description of a piece of bacon when he’s in his other house. I absolutely do care about this. In fact, I hang on his every word. Is face-to-face conversation better? Frankly, yes, but I cannot readily share Tommy’s morning otherwise. It is meaningless to ask him about an event two days later, long after it happened. Before I go to bed, I’m reluctant to switch off my phone. Suppose he needs to reach me?
I continued to think about this topic while I was in the coffee shop. In fact, I am amazed by the power of social media to harness technology to satisfy human needs and motives. As I scanned that day’s newspaper, I noticed an appealing headline: “Social Media Helps Find the Missing Kid”. The news story was about a missing child who had been found after people had spread the information on the local social media platform. Clearly, finding lost children through online social forums is triumphant news. I read about the family’s tears and the heartfelt concern of the people in that town and in the whole country. It made me marvel at the human side of the Internet.
I recently asked my friends: “Does social media bring people closer to you or push them farther away?” My question sparked many interesting responses. My friend Jenny texted me: “I have mixed feelings about cell phones! My two kids are with me right now, and both of them – and I – are distracted by our phones. I am listening to a podcast while they are uploading photos on their social media. The irony is that we are sitting side by side but we are worlds apart. And yet, at school they will text me, send me photos, and answer my questions at all times.” Another friend Ryan summed up the answer to my question this way: “With social media, we can feel closer to people we’re far away from, and farther away from the people we should be close to. I am so confused!”
Ryan is right. It is confusing to weigh the overall value of social media. We are aware of this modern-day paradox – social media draws us nearer and simultaneously distances us. But I think we often miss the old ways and forget to admire what we have become. Maybe it is human nature to want to reject change when it occurs quickly and seems everywhere all at once. Social media captures our eyes, our hearts, and our money so quickly that some of us may wonder what rituals of relationship and social interaction will be lost in this process.
Sitting in the coffee shop, I noticed four people in my immediate vicinity looking at screens, and four people reading something on paper. I was doing both. I saw social media apps open on two laptops, but I was sure that at some point, they had been open on all of the screens. The dynamics in this coffee shop were revealing. People were not giving up long-form reading or social interaction. They were just filling all the space in between.
From the outside view, digital interactions appear to be cold and inhuman. Nevertheless, the Internet does not steal our humanity; it reflects what’s inside us. Social media is not cold; it is just complex and hard to define. As we can see, the Internet has quickly become the center of cultural media, intertwined with our families, our lives, and our culture. But the Internet does not control us. It is a tool, as advanced today as a sharpened stick was a couple million years ago. Looking at social media through this lens, perhaps we can reframe discussions about technology from how it is changing us to how we can make better use of this powerful tool.